The semester started and I don't even feel like I took the entire winter term off. I still feel exhausted from the hell that was the fall term... I told myself I would do better this semester but so far I'm on the same bullshit. Can't focus on anything I actually need to focus on. Instead of schoolwork I've been working on this site and while I love it and am proud of myself for my improvement, I wish I could do something more productive with my time. I hate having inattentive ADHD... can't wait to be on meds and maybe have some motivation for the productivity I crave so badly. :/

I got accepted in the study abroad program I applied to!!!!! I'm going to Europe in July!! I'm so insanely excited I'm shaking. Can't wait to get out of this fuck ass country even if it's only for a few weeks. Also, I've been somehow managing school okay... I'm taking anthropology (which i normally love) and stats (ew) but for some reason I'm actually enjoying the stats class more. It's still a struggle to focus but thankfully my psych appointment is tomorrow so fingers crossed I can get some stimulants for this dehabilitating adhd.

well my stats class is going much better than i expected... i surprisingly have an A in the course so far!! im honestly rlly proud of myself about it since i've been working so damn hard on it. spending 12 hours a day on one assignment bc adhd is no fun but im glad its paying off? also i got prescriped strattera and i'm not liking it much so far... tell me how i feel even less than i did before!!! i have to go get an ekg before my next appointment so i can get on stimulants so hopefully i can get around to doing that too.

im getting tired of feeling so alone? idk i feel like i have no one in my corner meanwhile i do my best to be in anyones corner that needs it... i don't even feel as close to abriala like i used to. i feel like everyone is leaving me behind and im just so exhausted and can't keep up. i just want to disappear. no this isn't a suicide note or anything like that i'm just sad right now but i'll probably be over it in 20 minutes. i just want to feel loved by my friends again.

it's been a minute since i updated so, here i am. i've been tinkering with my code for ages and i don't think i'll ever be satisfied with it tbh but i'll probably upload the new index fairly soon.
anyways! life has been... okay. still not on stimulants bc my psych wants me to get an ekg done first so lol that sucks. but i've been managing. i finished my stats class with a high B and my stupid ass anthropology class with a C but whatever the prof was weird anyways. the only thing keeping me from dropping out rn is the fear of having to get a real job in this economy. i feel ridiculous being 27 and unemployed but at least me being a student is a good excuse i guess?? idk lol

i'm in a good mood today! this is honestly so rare lol

i kinda hate how much i complain here so here's some non-complain-y updates i guess?

• here's a song that's been making me cry lately lol
• abriala and i talked things out and we're all good now!! we had a really sweet heart to heart and i feel so much safer and comfortable in our friendship i'm very thankful
• i have therapy today!
• still in jayvik brainrot hell but still loving it